No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
