I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
