Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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