I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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