Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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