I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
