i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
