were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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