i just made my gag reflex go away.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
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The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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