it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
