Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
