beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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