i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
