his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
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Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
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I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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