I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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