my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
