Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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