ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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