My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I think people are normalizing furries
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
