I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
