Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
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Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
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Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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