I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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