1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
