I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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