If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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