I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
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