tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
