Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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