dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
