Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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