Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
