He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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