Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
