I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
