In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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