just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
