somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
When are your genitals available?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
