i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
