So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
This is my gift to your gina
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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