My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
