the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's blow job season.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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