i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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