Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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