Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize