I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Randomize
