I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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