saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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