im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
