epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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