Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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