Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
