And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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