Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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