I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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