Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
