one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
