just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
