youre lurking in front of me
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
