well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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