I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
