I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
