I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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