Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
