She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
