pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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